Emotions Washed Out

I'll make this short and sour.

The truth will remain the truth, regardless of how warped it may sound coming from a false tongue.

The eyes of the sober sees everything, despite the assumed delusions of hidden desires and feelings. Such an assumption is a lie, which I consider crass and inappropriate...

Nevertheless, despicable.

Mere figments of your drug induced imagination.

Let sleeping dragons lie, lest they devour your blind head in all it's intelligence.

For as long as I care, and these sober eyes can see, you shall not harm me. Count on it.

Oh, and if you think this post is all about YOU, don't ask, because it probably is.

Laters Baby,

Because It Freaking Hurts...

Why does it still hurt?!?

I think I'm starting to feel the depressing grip of loneliness. I thought that I could fare well being alone but I guess it's just human nature to want to belong to someone or associate yourself with someone. It's like being in a state of immobility where I wait for the clock to tick, for each day to pass by as I detach myself from the habit I formed with that someone and now I am seeing things in different perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I still have people in my immediate surrounding but I am divorced from them all or I am in an alternate plane where nobody sees me grieving, let alone wholeheartedly speak to anyone of them about what I'm truly feeling inside. The people who do not dare enter my so-called dimension, however, are the ones I will forever cherish and refuse to forget. The drawback is that when they're gone, my sadness creeps back to me and I succumb to it even more severely.

Laters Baby,

The Cycle Of Love...

Random Shit...

When someone from your past exerted an effort to be part of your present, there will be that wishful thinking that he will be your future.

Days passed, months even. You will realize, you still have feelings. That deep connection you once shared will keep crawling back.

You’ll hope. You’ll crave. And when you finally decided to give it another shot, reality will slap you straight to your face.

He just wants to haunt you. He just wants to taunt you. But in the end, he doesn’t damn need you.

He will leave you heartbroken once again, crushed into tiny bits of pieces.

You’ll cry. You’ll bleed. You’ll suffer. You’ll die.

You will continue living even if you’re dead inside. Then, you will start the slow process of moving on.

You will start to build a strong, wall and cage your heart.

After a gazillion of sleepless nights and buckets of tears shed, you will start to let the feelings go.

And when you finally did, that is the time he will start to crawl back into your life once again.

This is where the cycle begins.

Laters Baby...

Finally...

I am proud to say that I no longer have myself attached to you for I have moved on. Though my heart has been broken time and time again, I know that I will always manage to mend myself and spread my wings to once again fly away. My fate is engraved in stone, and it says that I will live to find someone who will provide me the solace, affection and understanding I've always yearned and deserved. I thought I couldn't live without you but the fact that I stand on my own two feet at this very moment proves that I can be fine without you. The dream is over. Now, I am smiling back again.

Laters Baby,

The Best Revenge Is To Be Beautiful...

Just a few days back, I needed to say goodbye to someone who was extremely important to me. Someone I liked so much. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But this person wasn’t making me as much of a priority as I was making him. His actions were not as loving as the words he is sending. I gave him several chances to show me how much I meant to him, instead of just telling me. I gave him several opportunities to treat me better, but he didn’t. I've even given him the time to think about the condition that he wants me to do was so irrational but he never realized it. So it was becoming more and more painful to have him in my life than to release him.

And he did said we needed to say goodbye. He thought I wouldn't but then realized its time to let go.

Believe me, it wasn’t easy. We had amazing chemistry, a strong friendship and a soul connection I hadn’t felt with anyone else. That special bond, along with the fact that I am an extremely loyal person, made me cringe at the thought of saying goodbye. But one day, he stepped on my heart just a little too hard and made me cry just a little too much, and I knew I had to walk away. At least for now. For my own sake.

I’m in mourning right now, and I will probably feel the pull of this individual for a long time, if not forever. And while I don’t know what the future holds, I do know that I must treat myself with kindness and respect in order to make sense of what happened and decide how to move on.

They all say that the best revenge is to be beautiful and I think I've given that saying a tad to much. Here's the result...

Friends?!?....

I thought you were there to guide me, but you were only in my way. You're not even in my life anymore, and yet you still find ways to mess things up for me. If it makes me a bad friend to not want chaos in my life then let it be. I can’t keep being there to fix you when you break. I can’t keep trying to help you, if you won’t help yourself. I can’t save you. It’s too late...

Believe it or not, it is breaking my heart to see you messing up your life like your doing  now. To hear you say the words you’ve said to me.. About me.. To see you turn your back on me, when it was supposed to be “us against the world”...

“If you were a true friend you would support me no matter what!"

But you didn't...


And I guess that ended it all...






Laters Baby....

One Last Post About You

And now your gone and all I have left is seven unread drafts, and a few locked texts. They said to write out everything I want to say to you since I'm good at expressing myself in such. They said it would help, maybe bring closure. So I've sat all night long in front of my computer and wrote this. I know you’ll never read this, but I’m trying to move on so bear with me. So, here it goes..

I told you from the start not to come into my life and let me get all attached to you if you were just going to leave. And you know what, you did it exactly. You said all the right things, you did all the right things. You held my hand. You whispered things into my ear. You made me feel so special. You played with my hair. You told me not to worry about tomorrow or what was going to happen with us next. You made me trust you. Then, you left. Why didn’t you just walk away from the beginning, instead of letting me risked it all?

I never felt anything like how I felt for you. And so soon... So sudden... I wasn’t expecting it, but it happened anyway. I guess I was stupid to think that I actually had a chance to be with you forever. Because now that I’ve been away from you and have had time to breathe and think- you could almost have any girl you want, why would you want me? I guess that’s not realistic. I'm not being realistic.

I don’t know if you knew but I've liked you since day one. Why? Because I can see how you made my friend happy. But you became my downfall when you said its me you want and not her. I almost lost her. I almost lost a great friend. I can still remember everything about that day. Every single little detail. That beginning rush, that feeling that I know too much without knowing really anything at all. I keep thinking that maybe if you see how much I care about you, you’ll come back. But, I guess that’s not going to happen. but still, it all plays over and over again in my head. I can still see it, I can still hear your voice, I can still feel your touch.

You are by far the burly person I’ve ever met and I’d do anything to have you back in my life. I know you don’t need me but I need you. I would rather have you as a friend than you not be in my life at all, but I guess that’s not my choice to make.

I wish I could say it was your fault, I need someone to blame. But it was mine. You told me what your intentions where from the start, I just didn’t listen. But you, you knew how I felt about you, you knew you were helping with the fall, you knew it would mess with my head. You knew what you were doing, and you did it anyway.

Laters Baby...

He Never Will...

I just have to keep telling myself “HE doesn’t love you". HE didn’t love you when he was holding your hand. HE didn’t love you when he was whispering it in your ear. HE didn’t love you when HE convinced you to go a little too far. HE didn’t love you when HE swore HE’d never leave. HE didn’t love you when HE broke that promise.

HE didn't love you before and HE doesn't love you now either. Just because you're in a mess of emotions wishing HE would come back doesn’t mean HE will. HE doesn’t love you now that you are in an emotional roller coaster and hurting because HE left. HE doesn’t love you no matter how many desperate middle of the night texts you send HIM. No matter how many tears you cry for HIM it doesn't matter for HE doesn't love you

HE didn’t love you then. HE doesn’t love you now. And HE never will.

Laters Baby,