One Last Post About You

Friday, March 18, 2016

And now your gone and all I have left is seven unread drafts, and a few locked texts. They said to write out everything I want to say to you since I'm good at expressing myself in such. They said it would help, maybe bring closure. So I've sat all night long in front of my computer and wrote this. I know you’ll never read this, but I’m trying to move on so bear with me. So, here it goes..

I told you from the start not to come into my life and let me get all attached to you if you were just going to leave. And you know what, you did it exactly. You said all the right things, you did all the right things. You held my hand. You whispered things into my ear. You made me feel so special. You played with my hair. You told me not to worry about tomorrow or what was going to happen with us next. You made me trust you. Then, you left. Why didn’t you just walk away from the beginning, instead of letting me risked it all?

I never felt anything like how I felt for you. And so soon... So sudden... I wasn’t expecting it, but it happened anyway. I guess I was stupid to think that I actually had a chance to be with you forever. Because now that I’ve been away from you and have had time to breathe and think- you could almost have any girl you want, why would you want me? I guess that’s not realistic. I'm not being realistic.

I don’t know if you knew but I've liked you since day one. Why? Because I can see how you made my friend happy. But you became my downfall when you said its me you want and not her. I almost lost her. I almost lost a great friend. I can still remember everything about that day. Every single little detail. That beginning rush, that feeling that I know too much without knowing really anything at all. I keep thinking that maybe if you see how much I care about you, you’ll come back. But, I guess that’s not going to happen. but still, it all plays over and over again in my head. I can still see it, I can still hear your voice, I can still feel your touch.

You are by far the burly person I’ve ever met and I’d do anything to have you back in my life. I know you don’t need me but I need you. I would rather have you as a friend than you not be in my life at all, but I guess that’s not my choice to make.

I wish I could say it was your fault, I need someone to blame. But it was mine. You told me what your intentions where from the start, I just didn’t listen. But you, you knew how I felt about you, you knew you were helping with the fall, you knew it would mess with my head. You knew what you were doing, and you did it anyway.

Laters Baby...