The Cycle Of Love...

Random Shit...

When someone from your past exerted an effort to be part of your present, there will be that wishful thinking that he will be your future.

Days passed, months even. You will realize, you still have feelings. That deep connection you once shared will keep crawling back.

You’ll hope. You’ll crave. And when you finally decided to give it another shot, reality will slap you straight to your face.

He just wants to haunt you. He just wants to taunt you. But in the end, he doesn’t damn need you.

He will leave you heartbroken once again, crushed into tiny bits of pieces.

You’ll cry. You’ll bleed. You’ll suffer. You’ll die.

You will continue living even if you’re dead inside. Then, you will start the slow process of moving on.

You will start to build a strong, wall and cage your heart.

After a gazillion of sleepless nights and buckets of tears shed, you will start to let the feelings go.

And when you finally did, that is the time he will start to crawl back into your life once again.

This is where the cycle begins.

Laters Baby...

One Last Post About You

And now your gone and all I have left is seven unread drafts, and a few locked texts. They said to write out everything I want to say to you since I'm good at expressing myself in such. They said it would help, maybe bring closure. So I've sat all night long in front of my computer and wrote this. I know you’ll never read this, but I’m trying to move on so bear with me. So, here it goes..

I told you from the start not to come into my life and let me get all attached to you if you were just going to leave. And you know what, you did it exactly. You said all the right things, you did all the right things. You held my hand. You whispered things into my ear. You made me feel so special. You played with my hair. You told me not to worry about tomorrow or what was going to happen with us next. You made me trust you. Then, you left. Why didn’t you just walk away from the beginning, instead of letting me risked it all?

I never felt anything like how I felt for you. And so soon... So sudden... I wasn’t expecting it, but it happened anyway. I guess I was stupid to think that I actually had a chance to be with you forever. Because now that I’ve been away from you and have had time to breathe and think- you could almost have any girl you want, why would you want me? I guess that’s not realistic. I'm not being realistic.

I don’t know if you knew but I've liked you since day one. Why? Because I can see how you made my friend happy. But you became my downfall when you said its me you want and not her. I almost lost her. I almost lost a great friend. I can still remember everything about that day. Every single little detail. That beginning rush, that feeling that I know too much without knowing really anything at all. I keep thinking that maybe if you see how much I care about you, you’ll come back. But, I guess that’s not going to happen. but still, it all plays over and over again in my head. I can still see it, I can still hear your voice, I can still feel your touch.

You are by far the burly person I’ve ever met and I’d do anything to have you back in my life. I know you don’t need me but I need you. I would rather have you as a friend than you not be in my life at all, but I guess that’s not my choice to make.

I wish I could say it was your fault, I need someone to blame. But it was mine. You told me what your intentions where from the start, I just didn’t listen. But you, you knew how I felt about you, you knew you were helping with the fall, you knew it would mess with my head. You knew what you were doing, and you did it anyway.

Laters Baby...

He Never Will...

I just have to keep telling myself “HE doesn’t love you". HE didn’t love you when he was holding your hand. HE didn’t love you when he was whispering it in your ear. HE didn’t love you when HE convinced you to go a little too far. HE didn’t love you when HE swore HE’d never leave. HE didn’t love you when HE broke that promise.

HE didn't love you before and HE doesn't love you now either. Just because you're in a mess of emotions wishing HE would come back doesn’t mean HE will. HE doesn’t love you now that you are in an emotional roller coaster and hurting because HE left. HE doesn’t love you no matter how many desperate middle of the night texts you send HIM. No matter how many tears you cry for HIM it doesn't matter for HE doesn't love you

HE didn’t love you then. HE doesn’t love you now. And HE never will.

Laters Baby,

After You...

You stopped calling to say goodnight and so I stopped sleeping. Welcome to abnormal sleeping cycles featuring ‘I love you.’ the dark circles under my eyes aren’t temporary, but you are. Like when there is frost on the window and you’re scared to breathe because if you exhale to quickly it will disappear, this is how I love you.

Like when you rest your hand on something and the more you think about your hand being there, the heavier it feels. That’s kinda how loving you feels. you blind me with your sun then eclipse me with your moon before you give my eyes a chance to adjust. Being with you feels like a form of prayer and if God won’t bless you I will try my hardest to. But it’s like some sort of race I can’t get ahead of.

You know how some words sound cool but their meaning is underwhelming? That was us.

Laters Baby....

Chain Smoker...

You we’re a chain-smoker. I knew this when I met you, leaning up against that brick wall like it was the only thing keeping you standing, smoking one after the other. You had that look in your eyes, the kind that said you were up for anything. My parents had warned me about the drugs in the streets but no one ever warned me about the ones with brown, expressive eyes and a heartbeat. And those, well let me tell you, those are the most addictive kind of drugs. The addiction came unexpectedly fast, along with the long nights and blurry eyes, everything was always kept a blur when you were around. My head stayed constant state of spinning. My dependence became stronger and stronger, the more I had you the deeper I was in… the harder it was to stop. You became the oxygen I needed to stay alive. My reason for waking up in the morning. My excuse for staying up late at night. Then one day, it all stopped. 

You were a chain-smoker and I was just another pack of cigarettes.

Laters Baby...

The A,B,C's of Love...

Stumbled upon this huge card that I was supposed to give Ry while doing my weekend general cleaning and saying I love the meaning is such an understatement... I wonder why I was never able to give this to him... Made me realize what I've gained, lost and gained back again in the process...

Photo Courtesy of www.whilehewassnapping.com

Let me share it with you guys...






A - is for Awesome Adventures together...
B - is for Being two Birds of the same feather...
C - is for Chocolate, the food of romance...
D - is for Dipping while Doing a Dance...
E - is for Eyes full of burning desire...
F - is for Fanning the Flames of the Fire...
G - is for Giggling our hearts out...
H - is for Heartthrob, if that's not too mushy...
I - is for Intimate wear -ooh-la-la!...
J - is for some certain Je Ne Sais Quoi...
K - is for Kisses, the language of love...
L - is for Lip-Locks (the same as above)...
M - is for Moonlight creating a Mood...
N - is for Naughty or better yet Nude...
O - is for Ogling my hot-bodied cutie...
P - is for Pet names like hootie patootie...
Q - is for Quotes from the poets of yore...
R - is for Roses, a dozen or more...
S - is for Sensuous Sighing and such...
T - is for Trembling at your Tender Touch...
U- is for Utter, Undying devotion...
V - is for Violins, oozing emotion...
W - is for Wooing and Whispering low...
X - is a letter pairing with O...
Y - is for Yippee! and Yay! and Yahoo!...
Z - is for Zany- like I am for you...






Laters baby....

The Prayer...

Every night as I go to sleep. I always think and pray . . .

For someone who kisses me on my forehead and tell me now and then that he loves me.

Someone who sits by my side when I’m in a bad mood and calms me down just by his presence.

Someone who runs after me when I’m annoyed with him and hugs me tight until I can’t move away from him and forget why I was mad at him in the first place.

Someone who lays down in bed beside me, stare at each other, and just cherish the moment we have.

Someone who makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.

Someone who sees my mistakes but still accepts me and still feel like he’s really lucky that he has me as his girl.

Someone who brings me food and drinks, introduces me to his culture like he really wants me to be part of his world.

Someone who records his voice singing songs that makes me feel alive and beautiful and boosts up my self-esteem.

Someone who doesn’t seem to mind every silliness and stupidity I do when I’m with him, laughs at my corny jokes, and kisses me when I’m too talkative.

Someone who wants to travel the world with me, plans his future with me in it.

Someone who goes out with his friends, have fun with them, but calls me now and then so that I wouldn’t worry.

Someone who, after partying with his friends, goes home to me and tell me that he may have fun and enjoyed the company of his friends, but nothing compares with the happiness he feels when he’s with me.

Someone who tells me there’s no other place he’d rather be but with me.

Someone who brags to his friends about his awesome girl, someone who’s proud to be mine.

Someone who I woke up next to and find out that he stayed all night just staring at my sleeping face.

Someone whose voice I wake up to saying “I love you and you're mine, all mine, over and over again.

Someone who’s afraid to lose me and does everything not to.

And when I finally found the one I would thank God everyday.

I know deep down that that someone will be worth the wait.

Laters Baby....